Monday, March 4, 2013

Chapter 1.38

Chapter 1.38-Sometimes, Maybe




            Making good on her promise to take Anthony out on her wanderings with her had proved a little easier than Layla had thought. Determining early on not to take him to any of her favorite haunts was a must, finding a path she didn’t frequent easy. Though the silence between them as they went actually unnerved her more than she felt it should have.
            She liked quiet. It was still quiet. It was just having him with her than made her uncomfortable.
            The one thought that kept her going, gave her some solace, was that he would be graduating before her. Maybe then they could go their separate ways.



            A third person could easily have walked between them they kept so far apart. In some spots, it was clear that he had accidentally stepped off of the snow covered sidewalk, his ankle bent at an odd angle. But he didn’t make a sound. Neither did she.



            She had accidentally been walking a little faster than he had, and coming around a bend put her one firm pace ahead of him when the silence was finally broken.
            “Wait a moment, Layla,” Anthony’s voice was quiet, muffled and dampened by the snow surrounding them. “This is far enough today.”



            Usually, they walked until at least sundown. But Layla stopped obediently.
            “Look,” Anthony acted just a little nervous. “Look prom is coming up. We should go.”
            There was nothing to be said by Layla in her opinion. Though she really didn’t want to go to prom, it would keep Galen happy if she went with Anthony. So she nodded silently, glumly, looking down at the snow in front of her.



            “Then we’ll go,” He took her nod as matter of factly as he had asked. “Will you wear a dress?”
            Again, Layla said nothing, nodding instead.
            “Alright. Then I’ll look nice as well. Your brother has arranged a limo and dinner reservations for beforehand. I’ll come by and we’ll all go together.”
            He walked in front of her, catching her eye.
            “You know you can talk to me, right?

            "You're lips move and your mouth opens and sound comes out of it all at the same time? You know, talk?"




            Surprise marking her face, Layla peeped up at him, blushing a little.
            “I mean, we take these walks several times a week. We walk. We walk far apart and silent. Then the sun goes down. I tell you ‘Bye, and you nod. At school? We walk. We walk far apart down the hallways, silently. Sometimes, if someone gives either of us a hard time, we hold hands. Silently. I don’t bite.”
            Ducking her head, Layla catches herself nodding. Quckly changing it to shaking her head she looks up again, catching the hungry look he has sometimes when he stares at her.
            “My favorite color is purple. I want a purple corsage.”
            This time Anthony is the one who nods, with just a hint of a smile on his face.
            “Alright then,” he says quietly. “Mine is green. ‘Bye.”
            And he turns to walk home, leaving Layla on the frozen sidewalk alone, surprised.
            “And next time?” He calls over his shoulder making Layla jump. “Next time take me somewhere where I’m not falling off the sidewalk. Somewhere you actually like to go. See you this weekend.”


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            Meanwhile, Buck has taken a gloveless Helen outside to show her how to build a snowman. Helen wanted to add a festive touch to the outside of their house and had decided a snowman fit the bill. The only problem was she had never built one, even as a child, and had no idea how you got the snow to “mound” like that.
            “Now you’ve got it rolled all nice and big like that, you pack some snow on the outside to make it round, instead of a roll,” he told her. Buck had other reasons for offering to help. The cold was a little tough on his joints and coming out here into the damp just made it worse. But this might be worth it, for his kids’ sake.
            “Have you given any more thought to the idea Layla offered the other night?” he grunted to Helen. Kneeling was hard too.



            “You mean the one where we invite danger right into our home with a computer?”
            “A computer isn’t dangerous.”
            “Oh, yes it is! Identity thieves will be knocking our door down the moment we got it hooked up! And Galen would look at nothing but porn, and Layla will end up a mail-order bride! Those things are evil! Nothing but evil!”
            “I think your fears might be a little out of hand, honey.”



            “Buck, you don’t see me trying to force you to go swimming. Or get a pool in the backyard do you? Please don’t ask me to do this. I don’t want to be the bad guy here, but I just don’t see them as safe in any way. And all those stories in the media…”
            Sighing heavily, Buck figured he’d have to spell a few things out.
            “Helen, sweetheart, Galen would be much more careful than a lot of those people on the news are. And Identity Theives don’t show up at doors. So you wouldn’t have to ever worry about how he acts online. Really. It might even help give him something to do other than let his girlfriend plan his life. Maybe he could do his own research, look up some things that he is interested in and pursue those interests. I worry she’s taking him over. He’s too young to be roped into life like that.”



            Working silently for a little while they managed to get a second snowball on the snowman.
            “I don’t want to worry about Galen like I’m going to worry about Layla.”
            “Worry about Layla?” Helen kept her eyes on the snowman whose belly she was rounding, but her tone was sharp and betrayed her astonishment. “Why on earth should Layla be causing worry? She’s the one I trust the most.”
            “She’s the one you should keep the closest eye on. It’s always the quiet one who will surprise you sweetheart. And she’s got a big one. She’s out of here. The moment she’s of age. Unfortunately, she’s not Phedra and has no map. She’s just out. And Galen’s girlfriend is planning her life just as she plans his. And that’s just pushing her farther, harder, and more quickly. That’s far more dangerous than Galen going online to look at porn.”



            “She’s said enough to me to get alarm bells ringing. She’s got money, she wants to travel, she refuses to talk to people she doesn’t know well, she prefers to be alone. Nothing but alone. And I’m scared someone will come along and charm her right out of her money, and she’ll be too scared to say anything to get help. She won’t know where to turn, and she’ll have nowhere to go. Galen at least is planning a responsible path for himself. Layla’s just being a bit reckless, even if she seems the least reckless of any of the kids.”
            “I didn’t know she was planning on leaving,” Helen said softly.
            “She is,” Buck said gruffly. “But getting Galen a computer, which should make his girlfriend back off, will help both Galen and even Layla a little. That and I think I might have an ace up my sleeve, if she’ll listen and if I can swallow my own pride a mite.”



            As Helen rolled the third and smallest ball for the snowman’s head, Buck told her of his idea. The telling didn’t take long, neither did rolling the head, but Helen kept herself quiet until she had plopped the heavy ball on top of the snowman.
            “I think that’s a great idea,” she finally admitted. “I know how hard it must be for you to even consider it, but it could at least put someone responsible in her path. It’d make peace for yourself too.”
            “Yeah,” Buck’s voice was gruff. He was kneeling again. “Yeah, and it’s why I’m asking you to make the tough choice to let Galen get a computer.”



            “You know,” spoke Helen. “You know I’ve got an idea, too.”
            Buck grunted his acknowledgement. Waiting to hear what she had to say.
            “We could get a swimming pool in the backyard, and I’m going to throw you in it in the middle of the night.”



            “This ain’t like my hydrophobia,” Buck shot back. “You wouldn’t even have ta see it. It’d be in the boy’s room.”
            “The swimming pool would be in the backyard. Honestly, when’s the last time you went in the backyard or looked in it?”
            “Helen.” Buck’s tone held a warning. She was trying to play, but it wasn’t in her tone. And truthfully, she was half-serious.



            Helen had brought out some of the Hockey gear Cyrus had left behind, putting it on the snowman.
            Buck watched as silently as she worked. He knew that it would be hard for her to say yes, and that even asking her was a little unfair. But so many problems could potentially be solved with one small consession on her part.



            Buck turned to go, the cold settling in his joints had become almost unbearable.
            “Wait,” Helen stopped him. “Wait, please.”
            Slowly, Buck stopped, raising his head. Helen squared her shoulders.
            “I think-“
            And the bus horn interrupted her even as Galen spotted them in the sideyard, coming over to look at the snowman.




            Galen walked up, chattering about some incident that had happened that day in the computer lab, something about Layla and Anthony going off together as they usually did and what Arden said in the cafeteria. Buck interrupted him as he got closer.
            “Galen, your mother has something to tell you.”
            Helen shot Buck a look. She really didn’t want to do this. Why couldn’t Buck have told him?
            “Go on,” Buck refused to help. He was going to have to do his own explaining in a little while. She could explain to Galen that she would let him have a computer. It was time for her to admit that sometimes, maybe, even she could be wrong.

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            Helen is growing up! And doing something for someone else for a change. Makes my heart all melty. Helen doesn’t have the athletic trait, but all she built were hockey snowmen. At least at first. Currently I've got classic, hockey, grim, and alien snowmen. I'm now cursing getting them to do that scene. It was the start of an obsession over building snowmen. The yard is littered with them, it’s nuts. I finally started “Delete Object”ing them cause they were causing routing tantrums by the entire house hold. Those and the snowangels. In their defense I finally used retuner to make the bookshelf off limits so they can’t read the children’s books it’s stocked with anymore, I also Retuned the Ant farm. All that is left is the radio and the tv which I constantly turn off. But if I send them out anywhere, they come right back home anyway and still do nothing but play in the snow. Oh well.
Onwards!

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Chapter 1.37

Chapter 1.37- Like a Dragon



            The following days went by peacefully and without much change in anyone’s routine. Winter had blown in bringing enough snow to bury the newspaper each morning and to make the landscape dazzling under the sun. Galen had managed to convince the school’s administration that they needed upgraded equipment in the computer lab, and Layla had set a new school record in track. The night of the full-moon Layla had come in late after a track meet. Galen was jealous. His precious new laptops were being put in the computer lab and Layla had seen then delivered.
            “Were the boxes in good shape? Were they handling them gently?”
            Laughing, Layla just shook her head.

            “Come on,” Galen pled, desperate for her to actually tell what she had witnessed. “Were they being gentle with them?”
            “Galen,” Layla finally relented. “As best I could tell, they were stacking them on a hand-truck with kid gloves. That’s all I could see. Really. You’ll just have to go and look tomorrow.”
            Helen was blank. All this hoopla over a machine was beyond her.
            Sighing, Galen continued, “I just hope that they have a few out in the morning. I really want to see how well they hold up, and especially if they measure up with the hype.”
            Finishing the stew Helen had made for dinner, he went to clean his plate.
            “You just never know who’s telling the truth on the web about what’s good and what’s not. And PlumbBob forbid some newbie get a little money and think what they’ve got is the best. They never know. And you never know if they’ve really got the know how or just the language.”
            During this, Buck had grabbed a dish of stew and went to sit by Layla.


            Buck had mostly ignored Galen’s diatribe on newbies and computers. It had been a few days since he had talked with him and he still wanted a word with Layla. But catching his daughter had proved all together a lot more difficult. Many nights she came home with only enough time for dinner before she fell into bed. Today’s snow had been too heavy for her to do her usual walk-about, and so she was doing her homework at home for once.
            “Alright young lady,” Buck started. “Are you planning on getting a rock from this young man you’ve been seeing?”
            “No.”
            “No,” He repeated blankly. “That was an awful fast answer. Are you sure you’re not just saying that to get me to leave you alone?”
            “Yes.”
            “Again, you’re way too quick on the draw,” Buck wasn’t going to be fooled. “You’re not planning on eloping and running away are you? I couldn’t bear to think you’d do that.”
            This time, it was Galen’s turn to slow down the clean-up of his dish, straining hard to hear over the running water. Layla’s answers had been very quietly spoken. He was only assuming he knew what she as saying based on Buck’s replies.



            “Then what is all the money for? Why are you going out in all-weathers to go and get more jewels? If you’re not saving up for a big wedding once you graduate, what's it for? I know Phedra is making her own money now and doesn’t need it. And Galen’s plans include him making his own money for himself so he doesn’t need it.”
            Layla hung her head, sighing. She really didn’t want to lie to her Daddy, but she didn’t want Galen to hear her honest answer. Things had been nice for a little while, quiet and easy just the way she liked. And if Galen heard her honest answer, wouldn’t he just tell Arden who’d tell everyone else? Wouldn’t her torture of boys constantly pressing her begin again? But she couldn’t lie to her Daddy.
            “Laydee-bug? What is the money for? What are you planning after graduation?” Buck’s frown went straight to her heart.


            Finally, forcing a smile, Layla dove in.
            “I’m going to buy an island all of my very own with it,” her smile broad though her eyes were hard and cold as ice. “I’m going to stay there in peace and quiet all the rest of my days. I’ll invite those who I love for visits and kick ‘em off as soon as I want to be left alone again.”      
            Buck looked at her reproachfully before returning to his dinner.
            “Fine,” Layla nodded as Galen gave up trying to pretend his dish needed further washing. “I have no plans to marry anyone right now. I don’t want to stay here in town. I’d like to see what else is out there in the world. See who else is out there. I don’t want to do what every other kid in school does, where all they do is graduate, get a job, marry their high school sweetheart, have kids, work, and die. I want more than that.”



            Galen knew her words were aimed right at him. And for the first time, he heard them, really heard them. Perhaps Buck’s talk with him had made him look a little more closely at his own motives. Maybe he was finally ready to hear Layla’s side of the story.
            Not to be deterred though, Galen gave up his charade and went to sit on the couch. Turning the tv on a fishing program, he turned the volume down low and hoped his Dad would continue to talk to Layla.
            Buck however, was mulling over his daughters words for himself. He’d hate to lose her. And she didn’t seem like the type to do what Phedra was doing. So how would she fare in the wider world, where talking to other people would most likely be required for survival?



            As Buck finished his meal, Layla looked up sharply.
            “I’d like a dragon too,” she said. “I’d like a dragon who could guard me from everyone who wants to force me to do what they want to do instead of listening to what I want. That’d be nice.”
            This statement left Buck a little confused. A dragon? And who is forcing her to do anything?
            Galen, however, flinched. This didn’t go completely unnoticed by Buck. So why would Galen be hurt by Layla’s words? Unless Galen was… Oh. A lightbulb flickered on in Buck’s head.
            “So where would you go when you left here?” Buck asked quietly hoping to turn the conversation a little.
            “I have no idea,” Layla bent back over her homework.



            Helen walked back into the room, scowling, but joining Galen on the couch to watch the fishing program. Slowly, sadly, Buck stood up his mind swirling.
            He really didn’t think Layla was ready for the world. She was just too shy to speak to others. And wanting out but not knowing where to go could be dangerous. What if she left just to leave and something happened to her? In the back of his mind, a suggestion formed itself. It would be painful, possibly humiliating, definitely humbling but what if… What if…
            Layla was in silent agony herself. She couldn’t bear that she might have hurt Galen’s feelings in any way. She shouldn’t have spouted off like that. But she was so tired of his pushing. Maybe she could find a way to make it up to him.



            An idea flashed behind Layla’s eyes. Jaw dropping a little, she looked up sharply. Helen was on the couch with Galen. Buck was in the room. Everything was quiet and comfortable. She could do it.
            “You know,” she said unnecessarily loudly. “You know if I had a computer, or if there was a computer in the house I could look up someplace, and then make plans.”
            Pausing, for dramatic effect was torture for Layla. Galen was looking at her as if she had lost her mind, though Helen’s angry surprise she had anticipated.



            “You know, we each have our own rooms now, maybe we should get to redo them how we want them. I can get a display case for some of the jewels I’ve kept, and Galen can put a computer in his to do his work. I could borrow it for some work too instead of going to the library. We’d both be home more if we had one. And in Galen’s room, you’d never have to see it, Mom. It could work”
            Buck sat down next to Helen, putting a hand on her thigh. The idea wasn’t so bad, and it might help Galen grow a little independence from his girlfriend.



            Elbowing Galen, Helen had an answer ready.
            “Untended electronics are a leading cause of house fires,” she said in a low, ominous voice. “I’m in here, or Buck is in here during the day to keep an eye on the tv and radio. In your room, alone, it could make the entire house go up in flames.”
            “No, it wouldn’t, Mom.” Exasperated, Layla flatly contradicted Helen.




            “Yes, it could,” Helen kept her voice low and quiet.
            Galen shot a look at Layla. Could it really catch their house on fire if they got a computer and kept it in his room?
            “When I was little the library was older, like our house,” not letting go, Helen continued her fright campaign against computers. “The town leader, my father, wanted to upgrade the computers in it. The first night they left them all plugged in, it all caught fire. Everything in it was destroyed. They said the computers caused it.”



            Still staring at Layla, Galen was a little frightened now. This annoyed Layla worse than anything. He should know that the story had an obvious flaw. The wiring in the house had been updated a long time ago. In mom’s story, the library was ancient and the wiring most likely couldn’t handle the computers.
            “Galen,” she said sharply. “Galen, the wiring in this house is up to code. We have barely anything plugged in. It could handle a computer and you know it.”
            “Galen, I could just as easily light a match and set the computer on fire myself.”



            “I will destroy with fire anything that comes in my house threatening my safety.”
            Finally, Galen had realized that Helen was just putting on instead of putting her foot down.
            “Computers are a threat to our way of life! Our information could be stolen! Our money pilfered! They’ll come in the night and rob us blind!”
            No one quite knew who this “they” was, but everyone knew that when Helen had her mind set on something there was no stopping how far she’d go to justify it.



            An idea struck Layla.
            “Ah! Yes! You’ll set the computer on fire, thus setting the house on fire, and Dad will run outside and pass out!”
            “Please, leave me out of this,” mumbled Buck.



            “Oh! Yeah! He can pass out on the doorstep, waking up only when the firefighters arrive, but after the journalist who will once again get a photo to put in the paper of the ‘dead guy’ at the scene of a fire!”
            As Buck begged the two to quit their outrageous tales Helen surveyed Layla from across the room.



            It was very clear that Layla had just spun this in favor of Galen getting a computer. She had planted the idea, watered it, and left it out to grow a little. And Helen had just played right into it. Without knowing what Layla wanted in return though, Helen was still a little leery of the idea of a computer in the house.
            Just what was it that Layla hoped to get out of it would continue to bother Helen for a while. She couldn’t imagine that this was pay back for something Layla already had.
            “Come on you two! Lay off an old man and his troubles! Look! Look at the TV! That guy caught a fish!”

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 Moving along. Galen had his turn being questioned by Buck, now it’s Layla’s turn. I loved that she loves dragons. Lol. Normally, I really don’t like shooting anything full moon night. That light is just awful. But they did this all autonomously and I couldn’t resist.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Chapter 1.36

Chapter 1.36- No One Else



            Just because he’s smiling doesn’t mean he likes birthdays. Though, truth be told, Buck is looking forward to this birthday just a little. Growing old should mean he’ll be able to slow down a little bit, something he won’t mind at all.


            He’s lived a good life so far. It’s not every man that could claim such a sweet and pretty daughter as his Layla. His little Laydee Bug. Level headed. Kind. Thoughtful.


            Then his son, Galen. Strong, smart, sometimes a little clueless but overall a nice young man. Galen had plans for his life. He was going to work at the local branch office of a large corporation. He was going to be their tech-support agent, and with his head for computers he’d do well Buck thought.


            Then again, it could be a lot of Galen’s plans were made so early on because his girlfriend was a force of nature. Looking closely at his son, worry began to cloud Buck’s mind. Maybe Galen wasn’t such a strong young man as he could be. Perhaps Buck should have given him more spine.


            He looked over his shoulder at his wife, Helen, cheering him on. For most of their time together Helen had been so strong willed and bull-headed that Buck himself hadn’t really shown much spine. Usually, he had gone along with whatever plans she had forced on him. Was Galen’s weakness in the face of a strong personality his own fault?


            Smiling a little, Buck pushed the thought out of his mind. He loved Helen. And lately she’d begun to mature a little, leaning on him more and more. It made him feel so needed and loved. No. He’d taken the right course with Helen. There was no one else he could imagine spending his life with. No one else he wanted by his side as he grew old.


            Always easily startled, the sparkles caught Buck completely by surprise.


            It takes Helen by surprise when she sees how Buck has changed. His new look will take some getting used to, sure. But overall she’s pleased. It’s nice to still have a handsome man at her side.


            Even Buck is happy with the change. If this is what getting old feels like, he thinks that he’ll be getting used to it fairly easily.


            It isn’t until he sits down between his two wet-behind-the-ears teenagers that a few things finally hit him.
            He has two teenagers. Two! And both of them are going to want to make their own way in the world. Both are going to want to get married. Galen has already talked about the wedding plans his Arden has begun to make. And though Layla hasn’t brought up marriage, she’s got a steady boyfriend and they spend plenty of time together. How on earth is he supposed to provide money for all of that?
            And though he believes that Helen was his right choice, how is Galen supposed to known that Arden is going to be the right choice for the rest of his life? A teenager doesn’t always know what is best for them. Should he say something? In his opinion, Arden is far pushier than Helen ever was.


            Then a long ago statement made by Phedra comes ringing back in his ears. Layla wants to travel too. That’s why she runs around trying to collect jewels and precious metals every afternoon. She wants to save up to travel. But does that mean she doesn’t want to stay here? And does Galen realize that’s what she’s going to do? Does Helen?
            Looking up from a bite of cake, Layla spots Buck’s concern. Nope. Concern was passed about 30 seconds ago. He looks almost panicked.


            Unable to meet her father’s wide-eyed stare, Layla stares down Galen hoping for an intervention of some sort. Galen is oblivious as usual, shoveling cake as though each bite is his last.
            Sighing, she lowered her head. When she raised it to see Buck still focused on her, she gives him a tight-lipped nod before finally starting on her own cake.


            Taking it as acknowledgement of his thoughts, Buck deflates. Closing his eyes as he tries to come to grips with his children growing up. He sighs. Finally, Galen looks up, frowning, watching Buck before catching Layla’s eye. Perhaps they aren’t as close as they were as children, but they still know how the other thinks.
         

            It isn’t until Buck has risen and washed his plate that Galen finally makes his thoughts known.
            “He’s gone senile,” Galen whispered, a sinister look in his eyes.
            Trying hard to suppress her giggle, Layla grins broadly back. It’s the first thing the other has said to each other in a long time that didn’t have to do with how the future should be mapped out, or not.
            Pushing his chair back, Galen grabs his plate to wash it up.


            Galen had no idea that Buck was still standing right behind his chair.
            “I’ll have you know,” said Buck. “I’ll have you know that I am not senile. And just because I’m a little older doesn’t mean my hearing has been affected one bit! You young whipper-snappers have no idea what it’s like to become old.”
            Helen can hardly smother her laugh.
            “You’ve been a Senior Citizen for all of 20 minutes. How do you have any idea?”
            “I’ll fix your wagon later,” Buck grinned back. “I want a word with this one first.”
            Swallowing hard, Galen nodded back at Buck.


            Helen went off to sort some laundry as Layla finally finished her cake, taking her plate to the sink, she purposely dallied trying to hear some of the conversation between her brother and her dad.
            “Alright boy,” Buck began, his tone serious and gentle. “Just what are your plans with this girlfriend you’re so serious with?”
            Frowning, Layla turned the water on. Was he really worried about Galen? Or Arden?
            “Well,” Galen was as shocked as Layla. “Well I think we’re probably going to prom next weekend. At least, she told me we’re going together and what kind of corsage to get her. She also helped me pick a place to rent a limo from.”


            “And she’s found this organic Chinese place we’ll go to first for dinner. They make an amazing vegetarian Dim Sum-“
            “You’re taking your sister and her beau along aren’t you?” Buck interrupted Galen’s recital of Arden’s plans.
            Spluttering, Galen was taking completely aback. Arden hadn’t said anything about anyone going with them. He didn’t want to ruin their plans or their night by doing something Arden hadn’t planned.
            “Of course you are!” Buck answered for him. “You want to make sure your sister is okay for the night. Now then, those are not the plans I was askin’ about. I was asking about your plans for after high school. You’ve mentioned that you’ve got plans to marry this girl. Don’t you want to look around any after school first? Is this really what you want?”


            Eyebrows shooting up, Layla was surprised by Buck’s question. Her curiosity burned to sneak a peek behind her to see the look on Galen’s face. Putting an extra shot of dish soap in the sink, she slowed down scrubbing her plate even further.
            “Well,” said Galen slowly. His mind was still racing to come up with an answer. “Well, I guess so. I don’t see why not. There’s no one else at school-“
            “-But I’m not talking about school,” interrupted Buck. “I’m talking about the rest of your life. You may have found a nice girl to be with at school, but what if there’s someone better out there that isn’t at your school? And you’d better not guess this time. Guessing is only going to land you regrets.”


            There was no answer from Galen, whose face had fallen into stunned concern. Nodding sagely, Buck looked down at the carpet to give Galen a moment for his own thoughts.
            Finally, after an eternity during which Layla dried her dish 4 times, Galen cleared his throat.
            “I love computers. I’m going to work with computers. And I’ll marry Arden,” Galen said slowly.
            “Well then,” Buck smiled sadly. “So long as you know.”
            And he left the room to go and find Helen. Leaving both teenagers lost in their thoughts.


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            I forgot to get a headshot of Elder Buck to put on the Generational Goals page. Sorry! I’ll have one up soon.
            I really didn’t intend for this to be all “Buck has an epiphany” or anything. But I did want to show that Buck and Helen aren’t totally oblivious to what is going on with Galen and Layla. It’s just that out of the two, Buck is always going to get there first and have to bring Helen in on the conversation.