Chapter 2.29- Slightly Over the Edge

          Laying across the bed next to Sally was something Layla had thought wouldn’t be happening ever again. The last time the two had been in a room sharing their thoughts and stories had been before that one date with Ned. It felt like a lifetime ago that the two had traveled to Lucky Palms to go shopping for a dress Sally thought would be appropriate for a date with the town’s (still) most eligible bachelor. They last she had heard, Ned still wasn’t seeing anyone.

          Shaking her head, Layla tried to focus on the here and now. Here in this room with her little cousin, now all grown up. Sally was a wife and a soon-to-be-mother, while Layla had gained a live-in boyfriend and his daughter. Times had changed, and changed them both as well.

          “Quit shaking the bed, please,” Sally said in a pitiful voice as Layla's head shaking sent reverberations across the mattress springs. “Laying still for a second is wonderful. He” (she indicated her belly) “is never still and will not quit moving. And I’ve been everywhere today and I still feel like I’m moving. I just want to be still.”

          “He?”

          “Yeah, it’s a boy according to those grainy black and white pictures and the doctor. I guess we could go get one of those 4-d pics made where maybe I could be sure that’s really a twig and berries, but those kind of creep me out. Green is neutral and that’s what did the nursery in just in case.”

          “I take it you wanted a girl, then.”

          “Still want. Still hope, still cross my fingers for. I’m forever surrounded by men and boys anymore. I just want a little frilly, pink, baby doll to play with.”

          “Little bit hard on this kid already, aren’t ya?” Layla craned her neck to better look at Sally.

          “He’s hard on me. Fair’s fair.”

          “Oh, you’re really miserable aren’t you? Poor dear.”

          “You would be, too! I’m barely old enough to drink and I’m already married and pregnant and with Mom’s death I’m the one stepping into her shoes. I don’t know how to run a house nearly like she did! She just did it! Always! She didn’t think about it, she didn’t screw it up, she always had it all so perfect and neat and planned out and it was always just right! I can’t do that!”

          “Surely Uncle Trigger will help you out?”

          “Layla, Daddy went in his room the moment they took mom’s body away, and locked the door. We haven’t seen him since. We can hear him crying from inside, but he won’t come out.” Sally rolled onto her side. “It’s not like he even helped her run the house. He ran the farm, she ran the house. Now Ottawa is running the farm, and I’m running the house. That’s not how it should be.”

          “So how should it be?”

          “I dunno,” Sally said dreamily, looking out one of the windows. “It should be Ottawa and I locked in our room all day. And we wouldn’t be in there crying I’ll tell you that much.”

          Snorting a little bit, Layla flicked Sally’s thigh. “You know better than that. And by the look of your belly that is most likely what you and Ottawa did the second you both graduated. Am I right?”

          “Yes,” A mischievous grin spread across Sally’s face. “But it should have lasted for all eternity. Life wasn’t supposed to happen this soon. Literally! So I managed to catch you all dolled up and yet there’s no one else home it appears. Why aren’t you and Ignacio rolling around this bed ignoring life?”

          “Because life happened here too,” Layla sighed. “Maybe not quite in the same way as it did for you an Ottawa, but it happened.”

          Sally looked carefully at Layla, who was looking off into a corner sadly. In Sally’s guess there was trouble in paradise, but right now there were far more pressing things that had to be addressed.

          “Do you know that with Mom gone I can visit you now and it won’t hurt her?” Sally asked.

          “Won’t all the other gossips in town just shun you?”

          “Yes,” she said, matter-of-factly. “But I don’t care about them. And I’ll still have friends who won’t dare to say anything.”

          “What about your dad? Sally, your dad is home grieving pretty badly it sounds like. And I’m sure that he knew all about my ‘multiple transgressions against the moral health of the town’- or however they labeled my actions- and probably agreed with your mom. Shouldn’t his wishes still count for something?”

          Looking down at her swollen stomach which was jumping slightly Sally made a wry face at it. “Fine! Fine! I’ll roll over again, just be still for half a second. My kidneys are killing me.” Sally looked at Layla, who was looking off into a corner sadly, before rolling back onto her back. “He seems to think they’re soccer balls. And oh, PlumbBob, my back!”

          “Your dad, Sally,” Layla said. “Your dad is important to you. His opinion and mental health should be important to you. You could have called to tell me about Aunt Estella, and I’m glad you came over, don’t get me wrong. But your priority needs to be on making sure your dad is okay right now.”

          “Dad is still in shock,” Sally said wearily. “It just happened yesterday. So it’s only been a day. He’ll come out and get over it. He always bounces back fairly quickly when something happens. Like, he was so upset when Silas knocked up that Loveland chick and then told dad he had no plans for that to be long term and that he was just having fun. Wow. But just a few days later-”

          “-But this is a lot bigger than Silas and his attempts to sow wild oats-”

          “-Dad would never let Silas plant oats on the farm anyway. Says they’re too-”

          “-No, Sally,” Layla finally felt she’d found the teenager she remembered. But she was not pleased with what she’d uncovered. On the contrary, she was weary and annoyed. “I’m not talking about real oats. I’m saying that Silas is having his fun as a legal adult before he decides to settle down.”

          “Oh,” Sally said. “But Dad got over that anyway.”

          “Because it’s small fry in the grand scheme of things,” said Layla. “Your mother’s passing probably shook him to his very core. Didn’t they get married really young? Like you did? So having her suddenly taken from him was like somebody taking his security blanket and burning it in front of his eyes. And it’s your dad, Sally. You need to take care of him.”

          Sally sat up abruptly.

          “But I don’t want to take care of him,” She whined. “I want someone to take care of me.”

          “Sally,” Layla was truly reaching the end of her tether. With everything that had happened so far that day she wanted to rush outside and just scream in frustration she felt so overwhelmed. “Sally, when you decided to grow up, when you married Ottawa and got pregnant you forfeited that right. Being a grown up can be no fun when you’ve got those kinds of obligations. But you signed up for it.”

          “Is that why you’re still not married and have no kids? So you can play all the time?” Sally’s words were sharp, and though Layla was stung, she felt she deserved them.

          “I just-” Layla started, but she had to stop. Sally was right and wrong both and there was no way Layla could figure out how to tell her how it worked. She’d never understand. Shaking her head, she closed her mouth.

          “Do you even love Ignacio then? Or are you just playing around with him? Is that why you don’t go out into the town to try and show everyone that they’re wrong about you? Is that why you still hide? I came here hoping to find someone to talk to, who could understand, someone older and wiser and with experience. You want me to pull my dad out of his room and his grief? You want me to put on my big girl panties and be the strong woman my mother was? Do it to yourself.”

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

          Seeing Sally flee past her windows Layla buried her head in her arms. How had she managed to make such a mess of that so quickly? Just today she’d managed to alienate both Ignacio and Sally. Single-handedly! Maybe she’d finally found her superpower. Lonergirl, with her ability to scare off even those who were supposed to like her. Well, Sally was supposed to like her. At this rate she really wasn’t sure where she stood with Ignacio. Or Sally. Stupid stupid stupid.

          Pressing her forehead into the bed she ran a hand along the back of her head. Grabbing a handful of her hair she pulled, gripping as tightly as she could. The sensation made her gasp a little and she pulled harder hoping the physical pain would numb the ache in her heart, the lump in her stomach.

          Hadn’t she told Sally that she was grieving the loss of her mother, too? Didn’t that count for something? She should have pointed out that she too had a father who had been devastated by a loss. Galen said Buck still acted a little lost most days. Both siblings doubted he’d ever move on from their mother.

          And who cared if she hadn’t ‘settled down’ yet? She still had plenty of childbearing years ahead of her! And it was her decision, her body. What if she went ahead and got pregnant but then discovered that it was the wrong decision? Phedra had done that. And Layla didn’t want to do the same. It wasn’t like she had a Cyrus to dump her kids on. Sabria didn’t mind helping with Tiburcia, but she'd made it clear that she wasn’t the girl’s parent and wouldn’t be the one raising her. So she’d probably say the same if Layla popped up pregnant. She’d help, but make it clear that Ignacio and Layla had a duty to perform.

          And so what if she and Ignacio weren’t married either? Things were comfortable just how they were. Until this morning. Blah. This morning...

          Layla flipped over, kicked something hard on Ignacio’s nightstand and scooted back, letting her head tip slightly over the edge of the bed. The back of her scalp tingled just a little as she put pressure on it and she kicked herself for doing something that stupid.

          Everything she’d done that day had been stupid. No. Not just done. Said. Everything she’d said. Everything she’d done. All of it.

          Hitting the top of her head with the end of her fist she sat up.

          She ought to get her tongue cut out. It’d make her life so much simpler. Going back as far as she could the first thing she never should have said was that she’d leave Ouroboros and Joel behind. Then, none of this mess would have ever happened. No Ignacio, No Sally, No Ned, No Tiburcia. Nothing would have been complicated. She would have lived, she would have loved and she would have been happy.

          But she did love. That was the problem. She loved Sally and Tiburcia and Aunt Estella she knew. Did she love Ignacio? It was hard to tell, especially right then which made her even more confused. Maybe she just needed to shut her feelings up in a little box and throw that key away. Then perhaps it would be easier to keep from saying stupid things. Or maybe she should go and find some island where it’s just her. Then she wouldn’t hurt anyone again.

          Sighing, Layla nearly reached for her phone, nearly called her mother. Mom’s gone Mom’s gone Mom’s gone Mom’s gone. Hoping the chant would get it into her brain. She just didn’t seem to be able to remember that her mother wouldn’t be on the other end. Wouldn’t pick up.

          How long was it supposed to take until she’d finally understand? How much older would she have to be to finally feel like a grown up? And how was it that she still hadn’t figured out her own life?

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

          I warned you all that this generation would be fairly dark in the end, and we’ve got a ways to go. Still lots of surprises, still a lot to show. And even a few bright spots amidst all the mess. But the mess is kind of the point. 

          A final quick note here: Layla has been incredibly spoiled up until this point. She couldn't figure out what to do when she left school or where she'd go even, so her Father stepped in and did it for her. On her vacation between leaving home and arriving in Appaloosa Plains others took care of her when she ended up stranded alone on an island. When she arrived in Appaloosa Plains her Aunt, Cousin, and Ned kept her on track. And now? Well, now she's being guided by a sim with, at best, questionable motives.

          Anyhow, I'm back ladies and gents! Home again and more than ready to get down to business with the some of the finer points coming up. So keep an eye out because there are big things afoot with the Sixkillers! Though the pool is going up today to so it'll still be slower than it will be during the school year. Yay for swimming in your own backyard with speakers and umbrellas and chairs and all the room you want and the music you want and the happy you want. Yay!

          Finally, because it seems I'm a Chatty Cathy today (Ha!), there are a few outtakes from this chapter up under the bloopers and outtakes tab.


          Thank you to all my readers who stuck around waiting for an update while I was running around the majority of the Southern US on vacation!!! You're all so awesome!